I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I can't turn off my feet"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
