Is it because I queefed?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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