I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
false alarm, still single
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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