I need help removing her.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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