Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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