So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we made out on top of his cat.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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