I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
