Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
