first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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