Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
