State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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