Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
