I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
