just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
