so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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