Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
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He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
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Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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