hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
