The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
