you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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