I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
