Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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