It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
