Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
