Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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