No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
