I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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