New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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