I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
