i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
His hands were made for my vagina.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
