u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I had to cum in my sink.
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