I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
