please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
