Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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