like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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