whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
