There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
