Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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