the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
