Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
