thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
