Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
