I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Semen is not good for contacts.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
