You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
