Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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