Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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