Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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