Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
