haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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