Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
