sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
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He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
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Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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