is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize