You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
