if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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