I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
