i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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