she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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