I faked an abortion last night.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
