Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
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I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize