One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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