Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
