You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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