Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
