Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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