I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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