That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
