Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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