im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
is that a dick in a sweater?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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