im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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