I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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