there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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